The Fixer

The other day I was with my sisters-in-law and we were discussing our struggles with weight.  I feel like this is an issue that most women deal with at some point in their lives, and we were talking about how we have yo-yo dieted, what has worked, when we’ve failed what went wrong and how to fix it.  I went first and I shared with them my weight journey and struggles through my life, and could pinpoint some of the reasons I had failed but then that was it.  As I sat there listening to them talk, they did the same, and for some reason my mind instantly went to how can I help them overcome this challenge and be successful.  I got so excited and passionate about creating this neat things to help them out, encourage them and planned out buying everything I needed to accomplish this and then surprising them with this gift.  Then it occurred to me……I’m a fixer.  I can hear other people’s problems and come up with some pretty clever ways to help them out and try to fix what is going on in their life.  This is a good quality, I feel, but the flaw is in the fact that I can’t seem to do this for myself.  I feel like I should know myself better than anyone else, and that I should be able to take charge of my life and fix what needs mended but that’s not the case.  Instead, I find myself talking about my problems, and then sweeping them under the rug and moving on with life as if nothing ever happened.  When I do that, I continue on the same lethal path I was on before and nothing will ever change until I choose to take charge and make my situation better.  I have seen this in other areas of my life too, and I feel like maybe it’s because if I am focusing on the problems that other people have and trying to help them overcome that, then it also allows me to, behind the scenes, ignore my problems so I don’t have to deal with them.  So, I have resolved to try to overcome this challenge.  The idea is that every time I am talking about a struggle that I have or problem I am dealing with, I am going to write it down.  Maybe if I see it in front of me in print, then it will be more real.  Then at that point I can look at that issue and come up with a solution on how I need to handle that.

So, first things first, the weight.  It is a challenge that I’ve dealt with so, starting tomorrow, I am going to keep a diet and fitness log on a DAILY basis….no matter WHAT!  No matter how embarrassing what I ate was if I don’t admit to it, I can’t fix it, right?!  So hopefully this will help me work on problem number one 🙂  Here’s to new beginnings and trying to truly find and better myself….

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